Self-Awareness vs Self-Regulation

Pairing self-awareness with self-regulation is more delicious than the best food and drink combo. It provides an invaluable lens for viewing the world, and guides choices that honours our deepest well-being. 

Building a New Description of my Practice

For the past several months I’ve been scratching my head, wondering how to describe the core differentiator of AWE. It’s not therapy. It’s not traditional life coaching. So what is it that I offer?

A conversation with my cousin really put things in perspective. 

An experienced Jungian therapist and corporate trainer, she suggested AWE offers training that requires participants to already know themselves. Meaning the ideal AWE client has taken time to develop self-awareness, and is now looking for techniques and tools to achieve self-regulation and to discover purpose.

I was actually shocked that I hadn’t thought of this myself. In one conversation, she succinctly identified my unique selling proposition!

That's the thing about self-awareness and endless introspection: sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

So, you ask, what’s the difference between self-awareness and self-regulation?

The First Step to Wholeness: Awareness

Self-awareness is the understanding of a person’s habits, reactions, behaviours and stories. 

In 2017, organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich surveyed people in US workplaces and found that 95% of people think they are self-aware. After running a series of psychometric tests, Eurich discovered that only 15% of this group was, in fact, self-aware.

[This figure was established by testing for behavioural awareness under stress, positivity bias (seeing oneself in a positive light), and personal positioning statements (like the branding we do on social media). ]

Self-Awareness is a Rare Skill

If we apply this finding to the general population, that means that very few people demonstrate true self-awareness. 

We’d narrow the field even further when we start to differentiate between bodily awareness and emotional/mental awareness.

Working from a polyvagal informed perspective, my take on self-awareness is a little different. It comes from the sensations that occur in our bodies. When we know what actions cause which bodily reactions - we are developing a felt sense of self-awareness.

After reviewing a range of blogs and self-development websites, I ascertained that self-awareness is generally considered as the ability to identify our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions, and impact on others. 

I'd like to present an alternative perspective. If you consider nervous system state as the baseline for self-awareness, anything other than sensation and the related emotions could be considered stories. 

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In my worldview, blending polyvagal theory with somatic experiencing, I consider self-awareness a precise blend of emotional, physical and environmental awareness. 

Desperately Seeking a Companion for Introspection 

Introspection - the examination of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors - is an important contributor to self-awareness.

Yet, introspection can verge on obsession. 

Many forms of therapy investigate and query the past over and over again. Endless seeking becomes a goal unto itself.

What introspection requires for balance is tools and tactics for building a new future.

The Step After Awareness: Regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions and modify behaviour depending on the situation. 

Self-regulation is a skill that requires patience, practice and attunement. Understanding ourselves, and the development of self-awareness, is the first step in this process. 

Cultivating tools for self-regulation is the second step. 

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According to Daniel Siegal, how we experience the world, relate to others and find meaning in life are dependent upon how we self-regulate. Developing self-awareness and then shifting the focus to self-regulation allows us to explore how the mind is organized and experience is integrated. 

Self-regulation is most certainly possible without an awareness of the body. But, in my opinion, the body is a key tool in understanding our experience and choosing how we can respond. 

Self-Regulation: A Polyvagal Informed Approach

I think, by now, you've established that I'm working from a polyvagal informed perspective (I feel like I say it too much!). From this lens, tools for self-regulation are grounded in the body. 

Nervous system regulation is a neurophysiological event. Emotions, experiences, and relationships rely on interconnections between systems connecting the body and the mind. Cues of safety and danger are the only cues that matter; choosing to keep the body safe is the central tenant of regulation. 

Learning to be in the body, cultivating an understanding of your unique responses, and choosing a response to honour your biological needs is the key to self-regulation. 

Tend and Befriend

Deb Dana calls this ‘befriending the nervous system’. By exploring the autonomic nervous system and the biological, body-based responses we can access a whole new range of techniques to achieve self-regulation. 

The biggest shift in this process is befriending our reactions. We’ve all been in situations where we react in an unexpected or uncomfortable way. 

Like the time I was trying to interact with a big-wig investor, and couldn’t get words out. What on earth was happening?

When I checked in with my body, I was experiencing a fear response. My gut was also tight, and I was a little bit paralyzed.

Knowing the science of feeling safe, aka the polyvagal theory, provided me with a few grounding tools to manage the situation. While still talking with the investor, I started to breathe deeply. Within moments, the tension in my gut started to dissipate, and I could even make a joke about the situation. 

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That body-based response was a messenger. I treated that response like an old friend (because it’s as old my first memories), and waited for it to give me a message. In the meantime, I could tend to the reaction by breathing deeply. 

By tending and befriending, I shifted a subconscious reaction into a self-regulating response. 

Self-Regulation: An Active Choice

Self-regulation doesn’t happen by accident. It requires an understanding of your physiology, knowledge of the nervous system, and choice to take action. 

That’s my goal with AWE: to educate individuals and organizations about the options beyond self-awareness. I plan to provide the tools that are required to reshape our experiences, and to build a strong and resilient community. 

A Pairing Better than Peanut Butter and Jelly

Without self-awareness, self-regulation would not be possible.

Self-awareness opens our eyes to possibility, and I like to explore that opportunity. After a client identifies opportunity, I like to move on to "now what".

"Now what" identifies the possible next steps after a person achieves a moment of self-awareness. Though we might not start to build a new skill right away, I like to shine a light on the options for the future. In most cases, after a major personal discovery, we take time to savour and acknowledge big steps in self discovery.

Pairing self-awareness with self-regulation can be more delicious than the best sandwich or wine pairing. It provides an avenue into experience in a whole new way!

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